The Supermarket (Continued)
I've written at inordinate length about how much I heart the supermarket and its romance of perishable and non-perishable groceries.
Well it turns out that "studies" have been perfomed by "experts," which is very exciting.
I mean to offer an update on the current state of supermarket studies, though, because things have been taking an unfortunate turn of late, and since I last checked in.
Now, I will always be a Giant pelican at my core, because it was my first supermarket love. But I have to confess that I have strayed in recent weeks and months, only out of curiosity, mind you, but nevertheless with very mixed feelings. For I must own that I have indeed darkened the door of the evil empire of Sam's Club of late. I just wanted to know what it was like in there, as the actress said to the bishop, but like Cardinal Newman and Catholicism, I was seduced by that which I came to interrogate. I have to tell you, there's no way the little Giant can compete with this shit. They sell trampolines, for crying out loud. Enormous trampolines, suspended from the ceiling. I mean, that's just making a mockery of your common or garden supermarket experience. Granted, my local Giant is currently offering for sale a spectacularly huge snow globe that looks like a bouncy castle, inside of which it is ACTUALLY SNOWING for just shy of $200, but isn't that a sign of desperation in the face of the unseemly trampoline? It's like Giant is the mom and pop store to Sam's Club's supermarket, so everything has been supersized, since there really aren't any mom and pop stores anymore. It's like the arms race of groceries.
I'll say more about this when I'm somewhat composed, but for the time being, do yourself and favor and go check out the giant trampoline. Just be very careful you don't get carried away, though. As one of my friends said when I told him about my induction into Sam's Club, "Did you spend a hundred dollars? Nobody comes out of there without spending a hundred dollars." I told him to shut up and that, yes, I had indeed spent a hundred dollars, but that I wouldn't be needing chicken stock, canned tuna, diced tomatoes or breakfast bars for a very long time.
Well it turns out that "studies" have been perfomed by "experts," which is very exciting.
I mean to offer an update on the current state of supermarket studies, though, because things have been taking an unfortunate turn of late, and since I last checked in.
Now, I will always be a Giant pelican at my core, because it was my first supermarket love. But I have to confess that I have strayed in recent weeks and months, only out of curiosity, mind you, but nevertheless with very mixed feelings. For I must own that I have indeed darkened the door of the evil empire of Sam's Club of late. I just wanted to know what it was like in there, as the actress said to the bishop, but like Cardinal Newman and Catholicism, I was seduced by that which I came to interrogate. I have to tell you, there's no way the little Giant can compete with this shit. They sell trampolines, for crying out loud. Enormous trampolines, suspended from the ceiling. I mean, that's just making a mockery of your common or garden supermarket experience. Granted, my local Giant is currently offering for sale a spectacularly huge snow globe that looks like a bouncy castle, inside of which it is ACTUALLY SNOWING for just shy of $200, but isn't that a sign of desperation in the face of the unseemly trampoline? It's like Giant is the mom and pop store to Sam's Club's supermarket, so everything has been supersized, since there really aren't any mom and pop stores anymore. It's like the arms race of groceries.
I'll say more about this when I'm somewhat composed, but for the time being, do yourself and favor and go check out the giant trampoline. Just be very careful you don't get carried away, though. As one of my friends said when I told him about my induction into Sam's Club, "Did you spend a hundred dollars? Nobody comes out of there without spending a hundred dollars." I told him to shut up and that, yes, I had indeed spent a hundred dollars, but that I wouldn't be needing chicken stock, canned tuna, diced tomatoes or breakfast bars for a very long time.
posted by rod at 6:07 PM
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